3 Ways to Release Your Workplace Anger
Have you ever felt just so pissed off at your boss, coworker, or someone you loved? You were so angry that you thought you could basically explode and probably say something you’d regret later or worse put a hole through the wall? Probably not the most beneficial way to express your emotions, huh. However, on the opposite side of the spectrum it’s also not healthy to stuff down your anger by burying it deep within your psyche, which causes you to express your anger in a passive manner. Either way, the resulting consequences aren’t so good. So, what can be done?
Through many years of working with patients experiencing anger issues, I have found that the majority of people tend to progress through 3 distinct stages of development. The first process involves a stabilization process, which includes being able to identify & validate your emotions, and using coping strategies in the moment to help manage frustration. For instance, if you’re at a team meeting and your boss decides to call you out and shout things like: “You were the lead on this project and the results were absolutely abysmal! It’s your fault we failed to achieve these targets, I’m seriously questioning how you were promoted to this position in the first place!” In this moment, you’d probably be experiencing a range of emotions, most notably anger. Whether this feeling is minimal, as if you are mildly annoyed, or you’re wildly enraged, it’s important to identify and validate how you feel. Failing to do this causes emotions, thoughts, and experiences to become buried in the unconscious, also known as repression. Repression, as a defence mechanism, serves a purpose to protect one’s relationship with the self and others (McWilliams, 2004). However, in the long run, repression can act like a dam in the unconscious mind, which can then be used to hold back the floodgates of emotion. By not being able to identify and connect, validate and express your emotion, then it will be incredibly difficult to respond to situational stressors. In other words, the unconscious buried aggression continually attempts to penetrate the conscious mind by way of intrusive thoughts and dreams (McWilliams, 2004). In order to actively begin to process your anger, or any other heightened emotion, it involves stabilizing one’s mental state by using cognitive behavioural techniques, such as emotional freedom techniques (EFTs). EFTs help to mimic the benefits of acupuncture by way of tapping on the pressure points on the face and body as a means to stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system (Clond, 2016). For more in depth step-by-step approach on how to tap, as well as other anger management techniques, you can watch this video linked below.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYKnoUoZugM
The next process involves a release of the built up anger. It’s not uncommon for people to think they can’t express their emotions, or if they do dip into their emotions, then the floodgates wouldn’t close. It’s important for people to know that it’s okay to be as aggressive as you want in fantasy (using your psyche to imagine how you would express your anger), however, acting it out physically or violently hurting someone else is a criminal offence. For example, you’d probably end up in cuffs and in front of a judge if you were to slug your boss in the face. However, you’re free to express yourself and fantasize about punching your boss. By giving yourself permission to get angry, by fantasizing about expressing your rage to your boss, screaming into a pillow, or going to the gym, you are better able to bring your built up rage to the surface and release it in an animalistic and healthy manner. The aim for this stage of development involves being able to unapologetically be able to express one’s emotions genuinely through reflecting, imagination, and articulation.
Once you have been in a position to stabilize your anger and learn how to channel and express your anger in a healthy manner, now your psyche is in a better position to reflect and build insight into your repressed anger. If anger, or any other emotion for that matter, is repressed and buried in the unconscious, it can stay there temporarily, but then it moves its way into the conscious mind. As previously stated, intrusive thoughts, flashbacks and dreams are a byproduct of the unconscious mind trying to force past experiences, thoughts, and feelings into the conscious mind. When anger is not dealt with and pushed back down into the unconscious, the vicious cycle continues. For example, getting angry, yelling and screaming over spilled milk seems is a bit of an overkill. So, there is clearing something going on underneath the surface. If you were to sit an explore, get mad, and begin to freely think of those other times in which you were mad, your mind will begin to make connections. Before you know it you are able to remember instances from your childhood where you felt so angry when you were not heard, your emotions were not validated, and you did not receive the nurturing and unconditional love you expected from a parent or loved one. Feeling the pain of the past, mourning what you wished you could have had - such as a nurturing and non-judgmental parents - allows you to bring all the buried anguish in your unconscious to the surface, where you can face it. The only way to regulate one’s emotions is to understand it, examine it, analyze it, and put it back together. Regulating your anger is a learning process. So be soft with yourself.
Learn more about controlling anger through therapy here.
References
Clond, M. (2016). Emotional freedom techniques for anxiety: a systematic review with meta-analysis. The Journal of nervous and mental disease, 204(5), 388-395.
McWilliams, N. (2004). Psychoanalytic psychotherapy: A practitioner's guide. Guilford Press.
